A memory about bullies (from a now deleted Facebook account journal entry)
September 14, 2011 at 9:21pm
A WORD OF WARNING!!!!
THE FOLLOWING IS A CONVERSATION THAT TOOK PLACE IN CLEVELAND. IT HAS A BUNCH OF "F" WORDS IN IT. I THOUGHT ABOUT REMOVING THEM, BUT HAVE DECIDED TO LEAVE IT AS IS. I NO LONGER USE THE "F" WORD AS OFTEN, SIMPLY BECAUSE IT ISN'T MY STYLE ANYMORE. IT USED TO BE AND THIS MEMORY IS A LOOK BACK OF WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I USED A CERTAIN WORD TO BETTER COMMUNICATE A F*CKED UP SITUATION.
A second word from me:
I'm writing this in response to "Sunny" who asked me a question.
A purty friend of mine asked me today, "Why does ACEE call everybody fat?" I was about to answer this with a simple reply..but my computer died. :( So, I'm attempting to answer that question here, in this entry. But, there are more ways to ask that question.
"Why does a person bully? Why do bullies feed on insults? Why are some people stronger than other people? Why do people pick on others? Why do some peeps say that I'm 'albino'? Why?"
Well, here's the simple answer I was going to give: "Because the bully seeks a reaction. He or she seeks to somehow prove in words that their social status is somehow more commanding if insults are used as part of a communication standard."
But why do bullies seek a reaction? I believe there are two answers to this question. #1. This is a "fun" form of communication. #2. A bully is *bully* when their actions aren't challenged. So, in the reaction, they are looking for that one person who will out-challenge them.
Case in point.
One particular night at the mens crisis shelter, City Mission Crossroads.
Setting: a "cubbyhole" with a couch, a table, and a chair.
Main characters: Brandon, Darrious, Marlon, Frank, and myself. To make it even easier to read, I'll use color for each person who spoke.
Brandon decides to walk down to the cubby to talk with Darrious. At almost the exact same time, I decide to go to talk to Marlon. Now, Darrious and Marlon were both sitting in the cubby, talking to each other and to Frank. Frank is physically the strongest of the 5. I'm physically the weakest.
Brandon sees me coming to the cubby and immediately gets it in his head that I've come to make trouble.
"Yo man, I'm talkin to my homie Dar. Just back off and lemme talk to him for a sec, ok?" Then he turns as though that one line is enough information to tell me that I should come no further and that he's got control of the cubby.
I decide I've had enough of his bullying bullshit and keep right on walkin till I'm standing three feet away.
"Yo man, back up off my face, man. I don't wanna start no trouble, but you in my face. I'm more fit than you are, man. I'd hate to put you through a wall, so just go back to wherever you came from and let me talk to my homie Dar."
I say absolutely nothing and refuse to move.
"Man, are you fuckin deaf? I told you to fuckin move! Fuckin get outta my face, man before I knock your head into the wall, man. Get the fuck outta my face."
I say nothing and cross my arms.
"Man FUCK YOU! I told you to get the fuck outta my face. I'm giving you a warning. I'm giving you a chance to get outta my face. " At this point, he's taking off his outer shirt and throws it down on the floor. "Dude, are you stupid? Deaf? I said. Get. The. Fuck. Outta. My. Face."
I finally respond with words. "Dude, I ain't in yo face. You'd know it if I WERE in yo face. You wanna find out what it is for me to be in yo face, just keep raving on like a fuckin idiot and you'll have me in yo face. Other than that, I came to talk to my friend Mar. This ain't just yo cubby. I can come out here too iffn I want. I didn't come here to make trouble. I came to talk to my homie Mar. Now, if you got problems with me talking with my brotha Mar, that's up to you. But, I ain't movin just 'cause you told me to bounce."
Brandon spouted back like a machine gun, "Damn, you really are stupid! Didn't you fuckin hear me? I counted. I gave you time to move. Now, it's go time. Time for you to fuckin go. Get the fuck outta my face before I have to do something."
Up to this point, Darrious, Marlon, and Frank are just watching. Darrious turns to me and says, "Yo Norms, just back up a bit and let me talk to Brandon and then you can come back and talk to Marlon in a bit."
I quickly replied, "Yo Dar, I don't know whether you realize this or not, but I share the same dorm as Brandon here. You share the same dorm as Marlon. We got this opportunity to meet in the middle and have a decent conversation here. But my brah Brandon's got it in his mind that he's somehow more important than me. He's been doin this to me for the longest and I'm fuckin sick and tired of his bullshit. I ain't moving from this spot. I'm not getting in his face about his attitude, but I ain't leavin from this spot just 'cause he's got a problem with me bein in the same place he is."
Darrious hears this and turns to Brandon. "Yo dawg, Norms got a point. We all in the same building. You ain't got a right to tell him what to do. He ain't telling you what to do, and he ain't gonna let you tell him what to do either. Just calm down and we can all talk this out."
Brandon is breathing heavily, sweating, and looking like he's gonna blow a gasket somewhere. "Man, this fuckin idiot's been my number one problem since I got up in this spot. Always breathin down my neck like he waitin for me to mess up. Just get the fuck outta my face, man. Take a hint and just fuckin leave."
Marlon, in his simple and hilarious manner of speaking, leans forward and says, "Y'all are just fighting over the same ball of yarn. Take a seat and shut up. Y'all makin my head hurt, like I don't have enough of a headache for not bein able to be outside of this spot with my family, yo!"
Frank is just sitting there, watching everything happen. He's not said a word yet and he don't look like he's gonna say anything either.
Darrious chimes in. "Yeah Brandon, you can fuss and call Norms names and shit, but Norms is my homie..and besides that, he's been here longer than any of the other guys in this entire building. He's figured something out. I'm trying to learn from my homie, but you makin him mad just by bein the idiot he said you are. Lay off him; he ain't in yo face and he don't wanna be in yo face. Trust me, if you got in his face, you'd have t' deal with Frank here. Frank and Norms are tight and Norms don't even have to say a word for Frank to move."
By this time, I'm grinning because my homies are sticking up for me even though I never asked them to. Brandon sees my grin and gets madder still.
"Man, you are fuckin stupid! Letting your brah's stick up for you without sayin a word. That's just stupid."
By this time, I've reached the end of my patience.
"Lemme tell you what's stupid, Brandon. You wanna know it? It's you. Comin up in this spot thinking that you da boss of the spot. Lemme tell you: I AIN'T the boss of this spot. Nobody on this floor is the boss of this spot. See, the secret that Dar been trying to learn from me is this." Turning to Dar for effect, I went on, "The brothas before me taught me the secret and now Imma give you the secret too. The secret to being here longer than anybody else is learning to get along with everybody. That don't mean letting everybody run over everybody else. What it DOES mean, is learning that you as a "boss" of your life fucked up. Every single dude on this floor fucked up to get here. That's the honest to God truth. You can't come in here perfect. The quicker you discover this, the better. Drop your guard for a bit and you'll find the rest of us are in the same shitty place that you are. Drop your swagger and you'll find out that I deal with the same shit you do, 'cept I'm trying to be at peace with every brotha in this spot regardless of whether I like 'em or not. But, you wanna throw your weight around, you look stupid. Since you fucked up to get here, how the fuck do you think we're gonna make room for you to throw your weight around when you just as fucked up in the mind as we were to get here?"
At long last, Frank spoke.
"Amen."
That was all he said.
Brandon went from the shades of red he was, back to normal color while I was talking. I wasn't quite done, though.
"You wanna talk about me bein in your face like I really was. You think I got the guts to be in yo face? FUCK NOOO! I'm not stupid to get up in yo face so that you in reaction can shove me away and maybe through a wall. But, before you up and talk about somebody bein in yo face especially in here, just remember that unless they're fuckin visitors, the staff and the rest of the brothahs know how messed up we were to get here. The goal is to figure out how to deal with your mess, not try to build on it while you here."
Brandon finally had his hands up in surrender.
"Look man, I'm sorry for what I said. I was jus thinkin of some stuff I was goin through and I got a lil heated is all. I never knew you could say all of that and still keep a level voice. How long you been here?"
"Ten months," I replied.
"Damn, that's a helluva long time. Man, I'm sorry for yellin atcha. I'll try to keep my cool from here on out. Truce?"
...and we shook hands. After that, he and I were cool and were even able to joke about how I shoved him through a wall of stubbornness with my wall of words.
Sunny, you either gonna have to learn how to say nothin at all, change your age, change your gender, or just take it and say nothing. Abuse that iggy button. Tell everybody else in the chat room who's bothering you. You're a well liked persona in trivia and iffn you tell Pe , Pa , or T about somebody botherin you, THEY WILL STAND UP FOR YOU! T, Pe, DL, and Pa have stood up for me one night when I just was so tired of dealin with the bullies. When the bullies realized that they couldn't take on all of them at a time, they left.
I realize...I put a lot of slang in here, but I think you got the drift. Personally, I think you're one of the cutest white chicks I've known. Your strong point is your easy smile, but your weak point is your easy irritation and low tolerance for stupidity and stalkers. I've been on ivid just a little less than I've been in Cleveland..and in that time, I've learned to hear what people are saying when it's not directed to me. If a bully is a bully only to me, I know that it's something that I did to offend him or her. But, if the bully does the same regardless of who the target is, I'll know that I'll have to steer clear from that asshole and iggy the snot outta him/her till they get the message.
Tweeds
P.S. Keep up with the cupcakes....mainly because they don't talk, but they are a way for you to accurately express your creativty through them. :kiss: :awe: :p
No comments:
Post a Comment
Yea or Nay?